I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
