Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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