is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
