why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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