someone threw a dead crab at me
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize