Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
