Your tits are I can't wait for
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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