We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
