Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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