I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
