I got chris browned last night
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
