Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
