Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
