I wish my penis had an off switch
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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