Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
