your room smells of hookers.
And success
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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