New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
