pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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