Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
