I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
