I love black thongs
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
