I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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