WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
