But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
