my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
