Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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