I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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