went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
