At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
