My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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