is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm too high and old for this...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
