OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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