Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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