Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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