hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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