I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
