I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
