Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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