Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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