is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
