Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
