garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
