Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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