So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
