I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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