just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
