he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
