The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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