At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
