I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
