yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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