ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
you will always have a special place in my vag
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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