just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
