He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
i out mim tonsoeep
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