I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
