Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
