how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
