True but thats because hes a fetus.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
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