Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
