U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
