I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
