All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
