the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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