party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
