Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
