I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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