The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
