I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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