Welp...herpes.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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