It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
