I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
