The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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