dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
