the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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