They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
