We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
