my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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