The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
We had sex on a dog bed..
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
