Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
