So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Randomize
