I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
