Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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