Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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