I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
