I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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