is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
