i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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