who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
