the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
