the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
