It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
