after a month anything with tits is on the radar
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
