I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
