I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize