I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
