Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
