last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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