I think i peed on brittanys purse
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
