woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
you had me at cake vodka
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
